I mentioned this to Adam today, saying it would've been his first Father's Day. He replied that it really wouldn't have been, since we wouldn't have had the baby yet. While I totally understand his train of thought, it's hard because it shows the difference in the bond that I had with our baby and the one he had.
I know I am a mom. Even though my baby isn't here with us, I have a baby in heaven, and I know that he or she knows me and knows how much I loved them, and how much I still love them. Adam wasn't quite there yet. Since I wasn't really showing at all, and since he wasn't able to see the beating heart during the sonogram like I did, he hadn't completely made a connection with our baby yet. He loved the idea of being a daddy, but it wasn't quite real. That's another thing that makes this so hard...all the unrealized roles that people would've taken on. My parents would've been Grandpa and Grandma for the first time. My brother would've been an uncle for the first time. My brother's soon-to-be wife would've been an aunt for the first time. I guess in my heart, they still are all those things. Unfortunately, none of us got to meet the person that made us Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle, and Aunt.
I'm going to choose to still consider this Adam's first Father's Day. For those two and a half months that I carried our little one, we were Mom and Dad, and that will never change.
AND I want to just mention how much my own dad, Bruce, means to me. The simple fact that he's always been there, is what matters most. I have heard of so many broken homes or families where dad isn't around, and I'm so blessed that that has never been the case for me. My dad is my biggest fan and he always tells me how proud he is of what I've accomplished. When I was younger, he coached my little league teams and took us camping...he's always been such a strong leader for our family. He's loud, outgoing, obnoxious, and up for anything. :) I love you Dad!
Hey, I am a friend of Ginger's and Jess Lindsay's. I know that you have lots of support and friends, but our situations with miscarriage are very similar. I can relate to you very well. danj126@yahoo.com is my email if you ever want to vent to someone who has been there. Even our husbands reactions seem very similar. I know they want to be there to make sure we are ok but try as they might they can't understand how we felt, how our bodies were different for that short time, how we feel like we failed. I know it was not "my fault" but in a way I felt like there could have been somthing I could have done differently! I felt like ALL of my friends were haveing healthy pregnancies and babies and I was the satistic, the deraded 1 in 4. It took me a while to move on, I threw things,broke things, yelled at my husband, cried and cried. Then I felt guilty because it was only a misscarrige and people lose loved ones they really knew. It is so hard, just hard and really sucks. The doctor thought I had a heart shaped uterus as well and so I bet I went thought alot of the tests and procedures you will go through too, so if you have any questions or want to talk about the medical side email me! My doc was awesome and worked really hard to help me get pregnant. I also did acupuncture (for stress, pain and to help the process along) trying to get pregant again will be hard emotionaly. But God has a plan and while I can now say the pain was worth it (I have an amazing daughter) I know you are not there yet. Really I would love to answer any questions or listen to you talk about anything! Josie and I pray for you guys every night! I am here if you need me
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