Issues With Breastfeeding

Disclaimer: If you're a male-human or if you're someone who has no interest in breastfeeding, then go ahead and skip this post. :) I've realized how many things I've forgotten about Sutton's first year(s) and so I wanted to document this for myself to look back on since it's been a big part of our lives the last couple of months. Disclaimer over.

So. Breastfeeding. It's so strange. After the initial learning/adjustment phase with Sutton, I really had no problems with nursing, keeping my supply, up or anything else. I just assumed everything would be the same with my second baby, but I was so wrong!

Issues at the beginning were similar to Sutton...both my babies tend to suck in their bottom lip, which makes for a very painful latch and inefficient feeding. So I used the nipple shield with them both to kind of force them to open up more. With Sutton, I weaned him off it after a month. With Ren, it was more like 3.5 months. The problems stopped there with Sutton.

But with Ren, when I weaned him from the nipple shield, all the pain of just starting to breastfeed came back again. Then he started to decrease the time that he fed. With the shield, he would nurse for 10 minutes on each side, a total of around 20 minutes per feeding. I always keep track of feedings, and this meant he nursed for over 2 hours total each day. At the beginning, we would sometimes hit 3 hours for the day. But once we took the shield away, he started only nursing for 4-7 minutes on one side, then he was done.

I was concerned that he wasn't getting enough milk. He was growing normally, chunking up, and he was happy. But going from 20 minutes per feeding down to 4 minutes just didn't seem right. And when my total for the day was between 45 minutes to 1 hour? I felt like I was hardly feeding my baby at all.

So I took him into the breastfeeding clinic. The nurses kinda laughed when I came in because #1 they're used to seeing newborns and Ren was 4 months old at the time; #2 he has never been a "skinny" baby, so with all his rolls...they weren't quite sure why I was concerned. I explained my issue, and they weighed him, had me nurse him, then weighed him again. He was able to get 2 ounces of milk from me in 4 minutes, which they said made him a very efficient nurser. They weren't concerned and said he seemed completely fine and healthy (especially with all the flirting and smiling he was doing with them). They told me to come back if anything changed, he lost weight, or became very irritable.

Nothing ever changed with his weight or temperament, but I started to realize that I never really felt full anymore. I didn't know if it was just because he was emptying me at every feeding, or if it was because I wasn't making enough but since he's such a good little baby, he wasn't complaining even though he was hungry. Additionally, we started to run low on the stockpile of pumped breastmilk in our freezer for the days I had to work.

So I began to start trying to pump a little more often. I would get nothing. There was one two-day span where I pumped after several feedings and it took me the whole two days to get 2 ounces. I became very worried that Ren wasn't getting enough to eat. He had also been having pooping issues. He wouldn'tt go for 24-48 hours, and then it would be explosive and runny. And it'd been weeks like this. It made me think he wasn't getting enough...that his little body was freaking out, trying to adjust to only having a small amount of calories or something. Or that my milk wasn't hearty or SOMETHING.

Of course I did what any 21st century mother would do...I turned to Facebook. :) I asked if any nursing moms had advice for ways to increase my supply. I got a ton of responses, which was so helpful. Out of all the things people suggested, here's what I decided to try:

*drinking lots more water
*taking fenugreek (an herbal supplement)
*making lactation cookies (cookies that contain brewer's yeast, flax, and oatmeal which are said to support a healthy supply of milk in lactating mothers)
*pumping after certain feedings every day (the thought there: if supply = demand in breastfeeding, the consistent pumping will create a greater demand, thus a greater supply)

Also, since I had gained nearly 60 pounds while I was pregnant with Ren, you can understand how I was more than eager to get that weight off. It's pretty depressing when you have to wear the same 5 things over and over because you don't quite fit into any of your old clothes and can't stand to wear maternity clothes when your baby is 5 or 6 months old. So, since Easter, I had been making a conscious choice to eat less calories....I was trying to walk the tightrope between eating enough to make milk but little enough to keep losing weight. I was down to within 10 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight and was very excited about that. But since my supply was in question, I figured maybe I should relax with this as well. So add "stuffing my face" to the list above. :)

I don't know if it was one thing or a combination of things, but I'm glad to say that it has worked! I smell like maple syrup (really!! the fenugreek has that side effect). There have been several occasions where I feel "full" and while that's not the most comfortable feeling, it makes me happy because I know there's enough milk in there for Ren. I even leaked one night, which hasn't happened in months. And we have too much pumped milk to even fit on the "breastmilk shelf" in our freezer. I pumped about 6.5 ounces in one sitting yesterday.

But...I gained back 5 pounds. UGH. It's so frustrating. I'm so glad that I was able to get my supply back to where I feel comfortable that Ren is getting enough to eat (especially since he's refusing solids thus far), but feeling extra fluffy is just a feeling I am done with. I wish I could wear a sign on my forehead that says "NURSING MOTHER: Dieting isn't an option right now. Come back in Spring 2015." But then I feel so vain and superficial for even thinking that way. It's a vicious cycle.

Bottom line though...what's best for Ren is what I'll do. And I suppose when else do I have the excuse to eat a little extra? Now to force myself to make those HEALTHY calories... :) That's something I'm still working on.

Ren is still just nursing 4-7 minutes per side, but I'm more confident that he's getting enough since I know I'm making more. I've even heard him "gulping" a couple of times, which hadn't happened in months either. The pooping issue has NOT yet resolved itself, so that is still concerning.We have his 6-month check up on Thursday, so we will talk healthy weight and healthy poop with the doctor then. But I'm mostly happy with how things are going...such a peace of mind!

Ren {Four Months}

Ren. At your 4 month photo shoot, I couldn't get you to sit up without sitting forward and crashing, so you're kind of sunk into yourself, which makes you look smaller than your 3 month photo even though you're not. :) Crazy kid. At 4 months:

*You weigh 15.2 pounds according to our scale. Not sure of your length. We have an appointment on July 2, so we'll figure that out then.

*You have outgrown most 0-3 month size clothes and are wearing 3 month and 3-6 month stuff. I really need to switch out your closet but haven't had time.

*We're finishing up using the size 1 diapers and will move onto 2s after we finish this last pack of 1s.

*You had still been nursing every 3 hours, about 10 minutes on each side. But the last couple of days we've run into problems. You started refusing the nipple shield, which is fine. So I began consistently nursing you without it. Now you won't nurse as long or eat as much and I'm in a ton of pain again like at the beginning. We'll keep working on it and I suppose if all else fails, we'll go into the breastfeeding clinic for some help.

*You like to suck your bottom lip in, which I think is part of why I'm in so much pain…your latch just isn't quite right without the shield. You kept your bottom lip in for a lot of these photos, like the one belwo:

*You're still on a similar schedule to last month. You wake up around 7:30am for the day. You take a nap in the morning, for an hour to an hour and a half. Sometimes you'll take a few shorter catnaps instead of a long one. Then you take a long afternoon nap. And a shorter evening nap. Or once again, sometimes just some catnaps. It depends on how busy we are and if we're moving you around or not. Luckily, you're a go-with-the-flow kinda guy.

*You still usually eat just once during the night, anywhere between 2 and 4:30am. Then you wake up again around 6 or 6:30 and I bring you to our bed, feed you laying down and we both go back to sleep until Sutton gets up around 7:30 or 8. If you wake for the day before Sutton does, we just lay in bed and talk and smile. I love these precious one-on-one moments with you.

*You are just so happy. You love to smile at us. When Daddy gets in your face and says "Can you say Daddy?" or if I do the same with "Can you say Mommy?" …your face just lights up! I can tell you love us. Sometimes we'll just catch you watching us and smiling. You give big brother lots of smiles too, but sometimes he can overwhelm you a bit. :)

*In the past couple of weeks (around June 7, 8, 9), you've started laughing. It's the cutest thing. We will rub our face in your belly or kiss your neck repeatedly and you just have this low raspy laugh, just like your voice.

*Around June 6ish, you started reaching for things. Your bouncy seat has some toys that hang down over it, and your Daddy and I both noticed separately that you'd finally noticed the toys, and were kind of reaching for them. I caught you smiling about it one day too.

*Your talking can get really intense, like you're really trying to tell us things. It's so sweet and you get so animated about it. I need to get some videos of this.

*You've started putting your left left straight up in the air sometimes. Like when you're in your carseat, I'll catch you with your leg up in the air. The photo below kinda shows it, but usually it's higher.

*You also like to put your right fist in the air, like you're a superhero flying through the sky.

*We took you swimming for the first time this month. We just put your feet in, and you didn't seem to care one way or the other. Maybe later on this summer we will put your body in too.

*You will not stop chewing on your hands. Your hands are often in little fists, and always in your mouth. We try to keep them out and keep the pacifier in, but we fail at that more often than not.

*I've been putting you in your Bumbo chair more and more and you're doing better but still pretty floppy about it. You always lean to one side or forward and after awhile you get mad about sitting like that.

*You fall asleep a lot after feedings and when I'm holding you. If I'm holding you and walking or talking, you're just lulled to sleep. I know you won't sleep for much longer while I hold you so I'm trying to soak it up.

*I read back through your 3 month post, and I feel like most stuff is still the same as last month. I can't believe we're a 3rd of the way through your first year already!

*I feel that I cannot for the life of me capture your cuteness in photos. I think your photos are cute, but I think you're way cuter in real life. Oh well.

And the monthly comparison. See how I said he looks smaller than last month? But it's just because he was being all slouchy. The thighs have definitely gotten a big chunkier. :)

Dreher Boys {April 2014}

I randomly found this amazing few rows of purple trees while I was driving in the country in April, and I knew I had to do photos there. I called one of my clients and rescheduled her session to that week so we could use the trees before they weren't purple anymore. And after that shoot, I knew I had to take my boys out there too!

This was quite some time ago, but life has been going at warp speed ever since I got back from maternity leave. I figured I should post them before my boys don't even resemble the little people in these photos anymore!

I had Adam take one of me and my boys.

Two peas in a pod:

Ren {Three Months}

 I've officially stopped telling people your age in weeks…you're 3 months old, Ren!

At 3 months:

*You still nurse about every 3 hours. Sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. Usually your eating schedule is 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4-5pm, 7-9pm, and then once during the night.

*You've been sleeping 7 and 8 hour stretches most nights. Your first long night stretch was April 25th…you slept 10pm to 5am. Every once in awhile, you'll be up every 3 hours, but that's not the norm.

*On May 11, which was Mother's Day, we put you in your own room for the first time at night. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to do it on Mother's Day, but you'd definitely outgrown the cradle in our room. Daddy said he was having to untangle your legs from between the spindles several times a night, and your pacifier kept falling out onto the ground. You did so well! You just woke up at 3am to eat, then again at 6:30am, when I brought you into my bed and nursed you again.

*You are SO smiley! Sometimes I'll be doing something and I'll look over at you and catch you smiling at me. Whenever we look at you and talk to you, your face just lights up. You especially love when Daddy talks gibberish to you.

*You are filling out size 3 month clothes. Same with size 1 diapers. We're about to go up a size in those.

*At your 2 month appointment, which was really like a 2.5 month appointment, you weighed 13 pounds, 5 ounces. So you're probably around 14 pounds. Your weight was in the 50th percentile and your height was in the 36th. Which seems backwards to me because you seem long and skinny. Who knows.

*We tried out the Bumbo chair for the first time on May 12. You do great in it, but you always kinda fall forward or to one side.

*You've pretty much outgrown the newborn way I do the Moby wrap. So I need to figure out the next way to wrap you in there where your legs hang out.

*You love sitting up. When we lay you back against something (like in the photo below), you always try to sit forward so you're supporting yourself. But the balance isn't there at ALL yet, so you fall over.

*You also love standing. You can support your own weight really well. We just have to balance you. Sometimes you'll "yell" at us if we try to make you lay back…you want to be sitting up or standing.

*You've started taking baths with your big brother. I put a little water in the tub, and put you in there on a little sling thing. You've started liking baths, so you'll kick your feet around and smile. I usually let you soak a little after I'm done washing you because you seem so content in there. After I take you out, I have to put more water in there for Sutton to finish up his bath.

*You've really taken to chewing on your hands. If your pacifier isn't in there, your hands are. And it makes you drool like crazy. A lot of times, both your hands and the front of your onesie's are covered in drool.

*You talk so much. You'll "sing" along when I sing you songs you know. When we talk to you, you always respond with coos. So. Darn. Cute.

*You still very much look bald, but you definitely have little blonde hairs. Your eyes are grey just like Sutton's were, so I'm thinking they'll turn brown like his did.

*You are a tummy sleeper. I know it's not what you're *supposed* to do, but you sleep so much better, longer, and more restfully that way. You take your naps in my bed, and then sleep in your crib at night.

*Our morning routine has been getting more regular. You'll wake up around 6:30 or 7am to eat, so I bring you in my bed and nurse you laying down. You usually fall asleep during that feeding, so we both go back to sleep until Sutton wakes up around 7:45 or 8am.

*You usually take two shorter morning naps, a long afternoon nap at the same time as Sutton, and then some catnaps throughout the evening.

*We still use the nipple shield most of the time, just because you stay latched better and longer, which makes me think you eat more. If we're out and about, I generally don't bring it along but when we're at home you use it.

*You're a cuddler. You love to be held and if we hold you on our shoulder, you always lay your head down and cuddle into our neck.

*You're very obvious about when you need something. You will be perfectly happy and content, then all of a sudden you start crying. I lay you down, and you're asleep just like that. Or I feed you, and you're good to go. There's no working up to it…it's all or nothing.

*Now that you're more aware of everything, you're unsure of Sutton sometimes. You love him for sure…you give him smiles all the time when he plays with you. But if he's all up in your face or if he's too loud, you'll cry or whine a little. So we have to watch that.

*You are just soooooo laid back. We thought Sutton was a calm baby, but you're even calmer. I thank God for our chill babies. Most people haven't ever heard you cry. When you do cry, your face always gets all sad/angry before the actual sound comes out.

One of my favorite pictures ever:

And here's our monthly comparison. Growing fast!

We Had a Baby...Here's What I Think About It

I have half of a second of quiet here, so I thought I'd write something a little more touchy-feely than I have lately.

As I'm learning more and more every day, time is so darn fleeting and there's not a thing I can do to slow it down. My little Ren is already 3 months old (I took lots of cute photos for his 3 month post, but my computer is currently being repaired so we'll have to wait until I can get it back before I can post them...this post is coming to you from Adam's laptop), and I feel like I was pregnant just 2 seconds ago. I know that I will forget so many of the feelings, thoughts, epiphanies that I had during this time in my life, and I wanted to record this one so I could remember.

My brain fails me yet again (birthing children seems to have the same effect on the mind as doing drugs...not that I would know, but I would assume), and I can't remember how much I shared about our decision to have a second kiddo. So if some of this is repetitive, forgive me.

Daddy, Mommy, and Sutton. We were the best three-some that ever was. We loved US. Having just one kid allows you so much more flexibility than having more, and we knew that. We could cater to his every need without a second thought. Give him undivided attention. And that one kid was amazing. Sutton was so smart for his age. He was funny. Thoughtful. Sweet. He sure loved his momma. And I loved him.

The thought of another kid scared the you-know-what out of me.

The common questions were there: how could I ever love another kid as much as I loved Sutton? How would I be able to divide my time between two children when I already felt like Sutton took up every second? How will Sutton deal with not being our one-and-only anymore?

But there were other things about the thought of having another kid that I hadn't heard my friends deal with: I can't bear the thought of Sutton not getting ALL of the attention anymore. Since a newborn would be so dependent on me for nursing, I know that I'd have to constantly be with the baby...does that mean it would be a separation - Daddy and Sutton doing their own thing, while I'm stuck at home with this baby?

And then of course, there were the guilty feelings: why should I even be questioning or thinking about this so much when I should really be trusting it all to God's plan for our family? What if I can't even get pregnant again since we had so much trouble the first time? Why do I seem so ungrateful for the possibility of having another child when so many people I know struggle with infertility?

Several people asked us, or made comments about us waiting so long to have another kid. All of the above is why...though I still don't think a 3 1/2 year gap is that long. We always said from the get-go that we'd probably spread our kids out a little more than most. And the more time that passed, the harder it was to make the decision to have another one.

So last spring, the conversation began. Sutton was almost 3 years old. We wanted our kids to be close enough in age to be able to play together, and we were probably pushing that window if we waited much longer. In my head, it all made sense, but that doesn't mean I was ready.

Long story short, the decision was made to try for another baby. Even though my heart didn't feel ready to love another kid...my head said it was time. And Adam. Adam said it was time. :)

Then we found out my brother and his wife were expecting. That made me question things even more. I didn't want to take any of the spotlight away from them and their new addition. But through lots more discussion, Adam and I decided we needed to base our family decisions on OUR family and not on anybody else's.

Green light.

I saw my doctor, took all the necessary steps we needed to take (i.e., got on Femara again). And just like that, the first month, I was pregnant.

Getting the positive pregnancy test wasn't the same as it was with Sutton. Sutton had been prayed for, longed for, wanted...for so, so long. So many years and tears and heartache went into getting pregnant with that little boy. This time, I was still hesitant. Still unsure that a life with two kids was something I wanted. So when that faint second line showed up, I wasn't unhappy, but I was cautiously, nervously excited.

Don't get me wrong...the second I found out I was pregnant, I began to cherish that little life inside me. After going through infertility and through losing one baby, I don't think I have it in me to ever be sad about a pregnancy. It was just...different.

Then when I started bleeding during that first trimester and thought I was losing this baby too, God really showed me just how much I cared about this baby. I prayed and prayed during that time, pleading with God. I would do anything as long as He didn't take this baby from me.

And He didn't.

Fast forward to the ninth month. I'm huge, I'm uncomfortable, I'm ready for this baby to get here. But I'm still not ready to have two kids. I'm still scared that Adam is going to spend most of his time with Sutton, and I'll be stuck at home with this baby. They'll be going out and doing fun things. I'll be sitting around on the couch, missing out. But the uncomfortableness of pregnancy trumped those feelings, and I just wanted the baby OUT.

And then he came out.

And it wasn't just some random, anonymous he. It was Ren. MY Ren.

You see, that was one thing that I'd never thought about in all the time I thought about this second kid. He was always just a vague thought...some baby I didn't really know, didn't have a connection to, who didn't really have a defined face in my thoughts. But that's not the baby I had. The baby I had was Ren. And he was MY little boy. And I was done. It was over. I couldn't imagine our life without him.

If I'm being honest, there was a slight disappointment during that 18-week sonogram when I found out we were having another boy. While I felt more prepared to be a mom of a boy, I knew I'd never have the experience of being a mom to a girl. 

Gone. All of that nonsense. Gone.

The moment I met him...he had my heart forever. And every day, that love grows. I can't imagine anyone else completing our family, and the little dude barely even has a personality yet! Ha! I know he is everything we could've ever dreamed of or hoped for and all those months of worry, anxiety, and stress about if we made the right decision are gone.

Sutton doesn't get all of the attention anymore. And he causes me more stress than the baby, honestly. (The constant questions, often questions that don't even make sense...can really wear a person down.) But holy cow, is he the best big brother.

Sutton takes such good care of Ren, and just learns from us how to help in every situation. He knows when to give Ren his pacifier. He asks me to put pillows on the side of the bed so Ren doesn't roll off (doesn't matter to him that Ren can't even roll yet). He helps me change diapers by standing next to the changing table to make sure Ren doesn't cry. And if he does cry, you'd better believe that you'll be hearing "It's okay, Ren!" about 20 times in the next 20 seconds.

You see, when I was thinking about the things that would be lessened by another baby coming into our family, I couldn't even fathom the things that would be added: Sutton taking on the big brother role with flying colors, getting to love on a baby once again, seeing Adam connecting in the way only a daddy can to another little boy, experiencing life as a complete family. This is us. We are Daddy, Mommy, Sutton, and Ren. And I couldn't want anything more.


(Just to throw a little "real life" in there...I got frustrated about 27 times this morning with Sutton already and had to get up 4 times during the night to feed a baby. So it's not all roses and sunshine. But it IS pretty freaking awesome.)

Ren's Dedication

On Sunday, we dedicated Ren at our church. This just means that Adam and I made a vow to raise Ren to love Jesus and to teach and instruct him the right way. Our family came to the service at our church and then we all gathered at our house afterwards for dinner and cupcakes (at 4:30pm, ha!). We took a few photos of everyone with Ren.

With Papa Ed and Grandma Janet:

Cousin Bailey:

Papa Bruce and Grandma Nancy:

Matt, Rachael (who are his godparents), and Rowan:

Us (yes, Adam finally cut the beard!):

Uncle Steve, Aunt Jessica, Cousins Corbin, Aubrynn, and Breegan:

And the Baby of Honor…REN! And his many faces. :)