Remembering

Today, October 15, has been set aside as a special day. A day to remember babies that were lost, whether that was before they were born or after.

The forums I've been reading with other ladies who've experienced what I've gone through have been talking about this day all week. Many of them plan on lighting a candle "virtually" around 7pm this evening to remember the babies they've lost. I may not participate (mostly because I have a session tonight that will interfere), but I've been doing a lot of remembering today.

My little 10 and a half week baby. Technically, she would've been older than that, almost 12 weeks. At my first sonogram, when I was supposed to be 9 weeks along, my little one was measuring small so they pushed me back to 7 weeks. Such a short little life, such an impact on mine.

I've been thinking a lot today about that little life. How my belly would've been huge and round by now. How I would've been anxiously awaiting her arrival in about two months. I have to stop myself. That wasn't God's plan. His plan was to have her with Him. She was just too perfect for life on Earth...He wanted her in Heaven with Him.

I miss that baby so much...I think about her all the time. But I'm learning to have more trust. I'm trying to be good at being a faithful servant even in this storm. I'm trying not to be the type who only praises Jesus when things are going good.

To quote the verse I quoted on here when I announced my pregnancy, because it's still truth:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

-Jeremiah 29:11