Today

I had a bit of a hard time today.

I decided to finally clean out the nursery. It'd kind of become a junk room. We had unpacked boxes in there from when we moved a year and a half ago. It was a place I'd thrown items that were to be "dealt with later."

I came across the stuffed bear my mother-in-law gave me to help comfort my empty arms after our miscarriage. The cards from people during that time who were praying for us. The sonogram picture of our first baby.

I lost it.

There are so many strong emotions still associated with our loss. Sadness that I have a baby I never got to meet. Happiness that I'll one day meet her in heaven. Guilt at being so happy about the new baby and not thinking about the first one as often as I should.

It's good to cry. It's good to remember. But thinking over the past eight months, all we've been through, the hurdles we've faced... I'm so thankful. Jesus is our Redeemer. The Giver of Life, of Hope.

Then I read this great devotional tonight.

From Streams in the Desert:

Is there ever really any reason to be downcast? Actually, there are two reasons, but only two. If we were still unbelievers, we would have a reason to be downcast; or if we have been converted but continue to live in sin, we are downcast as a consequence.

Except for these two conditions, there is never a reason to be downcast, for everything else may be brought to God "by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving" (Phil. 4:6)...

...Our work is to lay our petitions before the Lord, and in childlike simplicity to pour out our hearts before him, saying, "I do not deserve that You should hear me and answer my requests, but for the sake of my precious Lord Jesus; for his sake, answer my prayer. And give me grace to wait patiently until it pleases You to grant my petition. For I believe You will do it in Your own time and way."

"For I will yet praise him" (Ps. 43:5). More prayer, more exercising of our faith, and more patient waiting leads to blessings - abundant blessings. I have found it to be true many hundreds of times, and therefore I continually say to myself, "Put your hope in God."

Telling Our Parents

Tuesday evening, we had both sets of our parents over for dinner so that we could tell them what we were having. We had the dogs help us out with this one.

We took Axl and Diesel into our bedroom and changed them into shirts. Axl ran out first in a pink shirt, and there was some screaming, as our parents thought they knew. Diesel had on a blue shirt, but he didn't run out like he was supposed to, so I had to run out with him. Diesel's blue shirt said on the back "Just Kidding...it's a BOY!"

After that there were lots of hugs, a few tears, and relief from us that we were able to tell them!!

The Big Sonogram

This will be the first of a few posts about finding out and telling people about our SON. It's so weird to say that. :)

Adam and I took a before photo as we were leaving the house Tuesday morning to go have the sonogram. I was extremely nervous.

Sitting in the waiting room, my heart was beating out of my chest. I don't know why I was so nervous...I didn't care what it was, I just knew this would change our lives!

We didn't have to wait long, luckily. When we started the sono, the tech lady asked us if we wanted to know what it was. We said YES. She said she'd tell us at the end because she wanted to check it a few times throughout the sonogram to make sure she told us the right thing.

Fail. Right away, our little guy was showing off the goods. One of the first pictures we got basically looked like he was sitting on the camera, and there it was, plain as day: BOY! She didn't even have to tell us, we knew, haha.

After that, we got to see the brain, heart (crazy to see the 4 chambers pumping away), spine, hands, feet, and of course his CUTE little face. It was so cool to have such a long sonogram and to see our baby boy for quite awhile.

We were so involved, we didn't take any photos. I don't know that we would've been allowed to anyway. When we got home, I wanted to take an "after" photo. Of course, Adam wouldn't cooperate. You can totally tell he's suppressing a smile...

Hooray for our baby boy!

Then, we had to break the news to the dogs. I told them about their little brother, and this was what I got...


Not too excited. I'm sure they will be excited for a playmate when he gets a little older. :)

So that's it. We're having a baby boy. In addition to the three I already live with, I will become even more surrounded by BOYS. I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

It's A...

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

19 Weeks

A few notes about this photo: It was taken a day early because I liked what I was wearing, haha. BUT I can't wear that shirt again. I shouldn't have even worn it yesterday. It was fine while I was standing, but got too tight whenever I sat down. That's the first time a shirt I've tried was too small! Second...it looks like the roots of my hair are growing out, but I don't dye my hair! Weird.

How far along? 19 weeks
Weight gain: Getting close to the 10 pound mark.
Baby is the size of a(n): Mango or 6-inch sub sandwich
Food cravings/aversions: I don't think I had any this week. But back in the first trimester, I had a craving for a margarita, and then earlier this week, I smelled beer and it smelled really good. I don't drink even when I'm not pregnant, so that was really strange.
Sleeping: Getting up 2 and 3 times per night to pee. Axl isn't helping...he's usually the one to wake me up because HE has to go, and then I realize I have to go...and then I get a snack while I'm up, haha.
Milestones: Our sonogram! We got to find out the sex this week (and I'll be able to share tomorrow evening or Saturday morning). And we found out the baby is measuring big, which I always think is SO wonderful because with my miscarriage, the baby measured small at the sonogram. AND we found out we have the cutest baby ever.
Weird things I read online: Baby's brain has made the proper connections so that the movements it makes are deliberate. Cool!
Interesting things that happened this past week/anticdotes: Obviously our sonogram was one of the best moments of my life. It was perfect. I was so nervous we wouldn't be able to tell what it was (I've heard stories of the umbilical cord being wrapped around their leg or something), but we were. Adam and I were both so happy, it was the most special moment...laying in that dark room, holding hands, staring at the big screen where a picture of our baby that's half me and half him was floating around, happy and healthy. :) Also, I think people should be able to tell I'm pregnant now. I think my belly's getting big enough. And lastly, I think we decided on a name! It's such a good name. But it's a secret. And it could possibly still change...we still have 4.5 months. :)

And because it's the cutest baby ever, I need to look at the sonogram photo again:
I realized last night that the baby's top lip sticks out farther than the bottom lip, just like Adam's! :) I had always hoped our baby would get that trait from him, it's adorable.

Love Story: Part 5

After Adam and I had been together for a couple of blissful months, we had two important events come up: Valentine's Day and his high school's Winter Banquet.

First was the banquet. Adam went to a small Christian high school, and they didn't have proms, they had banquets. I knew a few people from his high school, but wasn't aware if any of them knew that Adam and I were an item, so I was nervous about that.

But the biggest issue? Finding a dress.

The dress had to have sleeves or at least two-inch wide straps. This was a huge pain in my butt. I look good in strapless dresses. That's what straight-figured girls wear. That's what I wore. Hmph.

We ended up finding the perfect dress...in my mom's closet. She had a long periwinkle blue dress with a tiny ruffle along the neckline and two-inch wide straps. It came with a sheer cardigan that tied in front and was very 70's (which was when she bought it), so I forwent the cover-up. Instead we found a baby blue shimmery shawl with sequins on the ends that I wrapped around my shoulders, since it was February.

I spent that day shaving, plucking, lotioning, and scrubbing myself to be perfect. I painstakingly curled my long hair and pulled the sides back so it'd look at least a little different than my everyday hairstyle. I wore hose (yes, hose), and finally put on the dress. I was so skinny. It makes me sad to look back at those photos. :)

I had a couple friends over at my house helping me get ready. I felt so special. I was dating a boy from a different school and I was going to his banquet! My friends were all helping me with my hair and makeup, it was so fun being pampered.

Finally, it was time for Adam to pick me up.

When he arrived, he looked so (so) good.

If you know Adam, you know that his defining quality is his sense of humor. Even then...

He was wearing a sea-green three piece suit. He'd gotten it at Goodwill. It looked so good on him. He'd accessorized with a pocket watch on a chain, a cane, and a fedora-style hat. Yum. And again...I felt so special.

We drove in his green Jimmy to Wichita to the Petroleum Club, where the banquet was held. That night is a blur in my mind. We ate good food, were treated to some entertainment, and afterwards, we changed and went bowling with some of his friends and their dates. What I remember most about that evening was the surreal feeling of spending such a grown-up evening with Adam. Sigh. He's so cute.

Valentine's Day was a few days later. Adam wouldn't tell me what he was planning. And to this day, I still tell this story all the time. It's just unbelievable how romantic he was at such a young age.

At my high school, Valentine's Day was a big deal...and kind of a popularity contest. At the end of the day, they would post a list in the hallway of who received Valentines (flowers, candy, cards, etc.). In past years, sometimes my dad would send me something sweet, and sometimes, my name wasn't on the list.

2002: my name was on the list.

After school, I went over to the mezzanine where we were supposed to pick up our Valentine's, and there they were: the most beautiful roses and a sweet card from Adam. I couldn't stop smiling. And I couldn't wait for our date that night.

Adam picked me up that evening. I wore a black dress with spaghetti straps and very uncomfortable shoes. He looked amazing in a white button-down (rolled up to the elbows, of course) and khakis.

We drove to Wichita, and he took me to Cafe Bel Ami. It was like a restaurant from a movie. Little round tables for two covered in white tablecloths, candle-lit, more than one fork at your place-setting...you get the idea. He made reservations. That was cute. I don't know if I'd ever had reservations at a restaurant before.

I don't remember what we ate, but my one memory from the restaurant is an embarrassing one. This was a fancy restaurant. It was quiet...people talked in hushed tones...fancy. The tabletops were covered in glass. Do you see where this is going? In the middle of our meal, I laid my knife on my plate and it promptly fell off my plate onto the glass and made the most horrible, loud clattering noise. So embarrassing. Luckily, Adam laughed.

After dinner, we went out to Adam's farm. My shoes were killing me, so I changed into tennis shoes (which looked really cute with my dress...not). We got to his house and his mom took a couple photos of us. I felt special again.

It was dark out by this point and had been for a few hours. Adam took my hand and led me out into the yard, across the driveway, between some trees, to their silo. I'd never been to their silo before, but I'd heard rumors that this was where Adam's older sister and her hubby spent "alone time" when they were dating. :) Don't hate me, Jess.

Adam had me go inside the silo. I expected it to be empty, just a tall hollow silo. Wrong.

Adam's dad had built levels inside the silo, with a winding staircase in between each level to create floors. It was the coolest thing. Adam said we had to climb to the top. So up we went.

When we got to the top, it took my breath away. Adam and his dad had worked to fix up the top "floor" of the silo to be a cozy little get-away for our special Valentine's Day. They'd installed glass in the windows so it was all enclosed, and they'd put carpet on the floor and on the walls up to the windows. There were white Christmas lights everywhere, and that was our only light. The view from the top was awesome too.

Was this really happening to me?

Adam and I had our first slow dance there, alone, at the top of the silo on Valentine's Day.

After our dance and some "talking," he showed me that they'd hooked up a TV so that we could watch a movie up there. There were lots of pillows and blankets on the floor, it was perfectly cozy. In some previous conversation, I'd told him my favorite movie was Breakfast at Tiffany's.

He remembered.

We watched the Breakfast at Tiffany's, and cuddled, and kissed, and danced.

In the top of a silo.

On our very first Valentine's Day.

To be continued...

Baby Dreher

Look how cute our little one is!!


We were able to see our little one for a long time today, and we got a lot of pictures. Two of the profile, one of a foot, one of the face looking right at us (it looks like a little alien in that one). The doctor didn't go over any of the results with us, but I'm assuming that means everything looks good.

Baby was measuring almost a week ahead, so it's probably going to be a big baby. Woohoo! They didn't change my due date though.

AND....we know the sex! I'm so happy. I still can't believe it. I can't wait to share with you all... :)