I don't want to come off as complaining, because that's really not my goal here. I realize how good I have it: a husband who I still want to be around after almost 12 years together, an amazing son who is the smartest and cutest kid I know, a successful business that allows me to work from home, and family and friends who are supportive and loving of us. What a beautiful life this is.
But...in efforts to be real here on this blog, to show that life isn't always picture perfect like it seems...I figured I'd be a little raw today and kinda get some thoughts out. The problem is:
I worry.
Jeremiah 29:11 - "I will bless you with a future filled with hope - a future of success, not of suffering."
I know worrying is a sin. I know it does nothing. And yet...
I worry.
I am ridiculously beyond excited about this new baby, but I am absolutely terrified of having two kids. What if I can't do it? What if I'm so stressed that all I do is keep my head above water but never excel as a mom, never do things "good moms" do? What if Sutton feels neglected when I have to attend to the needs of the new baby and I can't give him all of the attention he's used to?
Aside from just being a mom, there's the whole money thing. My income contributes very significantly to our family. When you work for yourself, there's no such thing as maternity leave or paid leave. I'll just go at least 3 months with no income...how will that affect our family?
After the baby is here, how will my working from home look? We will likely need daycare at least once or twice a week for our new baby, and as any working mom knows, that can definitely be a stressful situation to address, finding someone to trust your baby with. I haven't even begun to tackle this issue.
All of it is fear of the unknown. And all of this worry will accomplish nothing. But still...
I worry.
Philippians 4:6 - "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God."
That's my prayer. I try to remember when the worries creep in that God is in control of my life. I try to remember that He's in control of everything. Yes, things will be chaotic when the new little bundle arrives, but we will make it through, and we will make it through together. My God is bigger and stronger than any worry I might have.
Now, to repeat that to myself 100 times a day...
I remember the Gina who was "not a kid person" and look how far God has brought you! If God can transform your heart and life into something better than you could have imagined once, trust he can do it again. You are a fantastic mother to Sutton and wife to Adam. Both those boys know they are loved and at the end of the day that is all that matters. This baby will be no different and is perfectly picked out to be in your family. Rejoice in the fact that you don't have to be in control of this one, God's got this. Love you friend!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how you will just go into mom mode and do it!! Do NOT be pressured by other "good" moms, social media has made all us moms feel like we are always trying to keep up with this or that. Life adjusts and you will look back and see how perfectly God's plan works out. I have three kids 4 and under and it just works b/c as moms we do what we have to do to get there. Yes, you will have stressful moments and yes you will feel like you cannot be everywhere you need to be at once with your kids, but you do the best you can and every one adapts. It happens frequently that all three of my kids need me for this or that. My key is (and this is very hard at times) to be patient. Obviously baby g needs me a lot currently and I feel the other two don't get enough of me, but life goes in swings, before I know it another kid will be getting more of me and in the meantime the bigger two learn new things by being more independent, learning to play together and make there own fun on their own. Being a mom is by far the hardest thing you will ever do, but us moms have this innate things inside of us to just be awesome at whatever we do. Just remember whatever works for your family is the best thing, no matter what else everyone else is doing. Hugs Gina!!! I 'll keep praying for you!
ReplyDeleteUgh. Worry is gross, huh? I feel like I'm a master in that area. Definitely not something to master. And most of the time it is worry about the unknown things. Or it is even compounding the worry because we create an overly fantasized view of what will even happen. I echo Rachael's comments above. You are a fantastic mom...and if you aren't a "good" mom...I don't know who is. I will be praying for you. And plus, you've got one ridiculously cute (and smart) kid, so just think how the next one's gonna be! :)
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