Memories {One Year Later}

I just got an email from my mom, and in it, she said that the moment I called her to tell her we'd lost the baby is frozen in time for her. It made me think about how I have several memories from that day that I will never forget as well.

-It was Memorial Day...we actually lost the baby during the night before, we were in the ER til after 1 am.

-I remember the contractions I had for two hours before we finally went to the ER.

-I remember the sonogram we had in the ER. The sono tech didn't say anything, but I could tell from what I saw on the screen that the baby wasn't there.

-I remember sitting in hospital bed in the ER, waiting for what seemed like forever for the doctor to come officially tell us we'd lost the baby, and I thought I was over the shock. I stared at the floral wallpaper thinking "I can get through this, it happens to people all the time."

-Adam was so quiet, and I kept trying to figure out what he could possibly be feeling and thinking. We just couldn't talk.

-I remember waking up the next day...it all came flooding back, and I collapsed on the floor of our bedroom. It just seemed like it had to be a bad dream.

-I remember posting on this blog and facebook that we'd lost the baby and hoping most people would find out that way so I didn't have to tell them.

-Adam was home since it was a holiday and I told him that I couldn't just stay at home and think about it, so we drove out to Lake Afton with our dogs. I sat on a blanket in the sun with my puppies while Adam flew some of his RC planes.

-It was while sitting there at the lake that I called my mom. I figured she knew already, but could tell by the tone of her voice when she answered that she didn't. 

-After the lake, we still needed to be doing something, so we went to the theater and saw Angels & Demons. It was a good 2-hour distraction.

-I remember the outpouring of love and condolences that we received from family and friends. Flowers, cards, emails, notes...it was really amazing.

Today hasn't been so bad. I've been busy, and I had a doctor's appointment this morning where I found out we get to have a sonogram on Tuesday. I've gotten several texts, emails, cards, and messages from you all and I appreciate them so much. It makes such a difference to have a support system to lean on through the hard times, and I'm so grateful for all of you.