One Year

One year ago tomorrow, we lost our little baby.

Going through the miscarriage and then surviving life afterwards has been one of the defining experiences of my life. I took the whole thing very, very hard.

I feel like miscarriages affect people differently...some people see it as a common thing that happens and not that big of a deal.

To me...my baby had passed away.

It didn't just feel that way. It was, it is that way.

This little life that I'd learned to love above my own, this helpless little baby of mine had died before I ever had the chance to show her that love.

It's still very, very hard. Hard to think about. Hard to deal with. Hard to know what to say in memory of that little life. Whenever I think of her, I keep going back to the line from that song I blogged about here:

"I will carry you, while your heart beats here....
I will carry you, all my life.
I will praise the One who's chosen me to carry you."

 

I will never "get over" our loss, and I'm so looking forward to the day that I will get to meet that little baby in heaven. I will always wonder what she looked like, what her personality would've been, what kind of life she would've had. All she'll ever know is Heaven, and that's an amazing thing to take comfort in.

My devotional today was about waiting for God's timing. He doesn't let us in on his timing beforehand because, most likely, we wouldn't be able to deal with that knowledge. I know God had His hand in this...His perfect plan.

But I will always grieve our loss...May 25th will always be a hard day. Even so, I feel so blessed for everything we've been given. And I feel so, so blessed to know that I will one day get to meet our first little baby in Heaven!