I've been learning a lot lately about being content. Content with what I have, content (and confident!) in knowing what I like, content with how our life is going. I have so many things/people that I'm so grateful for...I need to step back every once in a while and realize just how good I have it. I have an amazing husband, parents who are very supportive, a house that I love, two healthy wonderful dogs, a thriving business, and awesome friends. Kinda along these same lines, but kinda not...I was talking to a friend lately about all this. She's a mom and has recently decided that she's not going to worry about what other people think about how she raises her kid. People can give her advice right and left, but only she knows what's good for her baby. Stretching that to relate to my life, I can compare what I have to what other people have, but in the end, my house is big enough, I have plenty of clothes, and my hubby is super hot. :)
Did that make any sense?
In spite of all of that, I definitely am still struggling with this whole miscarriage thing. I feel like (and I know this is ridiculous) if I talk about it enough, someone somewhere will give me a solution. They will spell out for me exactly how to deal with it...all the emotions, all the heartache. There's got to be an answer. Right? Wrong. There's no answer, there's no way to make it easier.
I also realized that throughout this whole thing, I've been banking on getting pregnant right away when we start trying again. What if that doesn't happen? That will turn me into a heaping mess. Hmm. I guess we'll just cross that bridge when it comes and pray hard about it in the mean time.
We had a really great wedding tonight, which I will be posting photos from sometime this week on my photo blog. But I'm so excited for next weekend because it's my first weekend off since May! The last weekend I had off was the weekend we lost the baby. That's crazy to think about. Anyway, I have no plans and I'm so excited about that. Woohoo!
I'm re-reading Harry Potter and am on the second book. It makes me want to be a wizard. Real bad. Is that childish? :)
You put into words so much of my experience. It took me a long time to deal with this and I still have moments now. They are not all bad moments though, I never want to stop remembering my little one. When I have thoughts of grief I ask the Lord to give them a little hug from me so they know they are not forgotten.
ReplyDeleteI was reading the story of the blind man yesterday where everyone was trying to figure out why he was born blind. Jesus told them, “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him."... I loved that! I think your testimony is beautiful one and your honesty will be a help to many others, I'm sure! ~Shelley