Happy Birthday Axl!

To My (Biggest) Youngest, on His 4th Birthday:


You're a freak. But I still love you despite.


In honor of Axl turning 4 today, I decided to make a list of his quirks, because really, that's all he is: 100 pounds of quirkiness. Here goes.

- he knows meal times on the dot: 8am and 5pm. Miss them at your own peril.
- he has the most sensitive stomach. Seriously? This big tough Doberman can't stomach sausage.
- he has no sense of humor.
- when Adam and I are watching TV with our feet up, Axl will often come rest his hindquarters against our feet. While standing. Weirdness.
- if you pet him for any amount of time while he's laying down, expect him to go belly-up.
- the ears are more often sideways than straight up. It makes him look like a total dork.
- he's the best cuddler ever, especially since he's so big, he can handle a full-body spooning.
- his whining will be the death of me.
- on the way to Grandma's house every morning, he realizes where we're going about 4 blocks away and will NOT SHUT UP until we get there. It's a whine/bark/go-in-circles-in-the-backseat kind of raucous.
- he's punched me in the face and kneecap with those giant paws on more than one occasion. Sometimes, he's just like an awkward clumsy teenager.
- after his daddy exits the bed in the morning and he takes his place up there, he will literally face-dive under the covers when I start to pull them on top of him.
- his best trick is the most un-useful one: shaking.
- he lovingly endures ear-cleanings from his older brother, and sometimes gets so caught up in the moment that he will groan in pleasure.
- he would rather chase a shadow than get scraps of food.
- the shadow chasing will be the death of me.
- his daddy has to hit him with a pillow often during the night to get him to change positions so he'll stop snoring.
- he likes having his elbows rubbed...? Yeah, figure that one out.
- my life would be so much easier without him.
- my life would have so much less love without him.
- the 3am potty-breaks will be the death of me.
- he usually has to sit on my lap when we're watching TV. He just doesn't realize his size is incompatible with that.
- he uses pillows correctly.
- he always pees in the same freaking spots in our yard and kills our grass.
- he's really bad at "reversing," and our bathroom is long and skinny so it doesn't allow room for turning around. This has made for more than one interesting moment.
- he has a big scar on his left knee and a couple tiny patches of blonde hair under his chin...he could never be a show dog, but I love his little marks. His giant nipples, on the other hand, seem completely unnecessary.
- whenever we go to the vet, he sheds like crazy, shakes like a little girl, and only wants his mama.
- whenever we're at home, he can't be 2 feet away from me.
- whenever we have company or take him in public, he acts like he's too good for me. Dumb.
- he knows the phrases "are you hungry?" "go to bed," "wanna go to Grandma's house?" "back up!" "get out!" and "where's Diesel?"

You are one funny dude, Axl. Happy 4th baby!